The Travails of Train Travel

Although the posts are quite scarce, the tenor of my blog seems to be drifting more towards something like 'Remorse Ramblings' than 'Casual Chronicles'! This one would be an attempt to make the mood lighter.

Local trains are ubiquitous to the life of almost every Mumbaikar. Aptly are they called the lifeline of the city. The city would be paralysed if they stop functioning. The amount of load they take is phenomenal.

However, it has its price. It is not easy to go through a "peak hour train journey" mate! Let me present from my personal diaries... some travails of the train travel.

1. kitney aadmi they(hai??... rahenge??..)!!!!

A single bogey of the train has the capacity to take around 300-400 passengers (easily seated or enough space to stand). Typically trains have 9/12 bogies each. And there is a train every 3/5 min. And there are three lines - Western, Central, Harbour.

AND still, every train goes PACKED - atleast about 2000 passengers in each bogey!!

The amount of crowd in a train is simple unbelievable... Lord Krishna might have run out of Sari material for Draupadi, but Mumbai never seems to run out of people...!

2. (be)sur(a)-das

Imagine - barely some space to stand. Both your feet are in some different orientation; which may be totally different from the orientation of your body. No way you can move any part of your body by even a centimeter. But you still manage to find an equilibrium in this situation... and just then he arrives... the Indian Idol!! I have particular ill luck in these situations, the worst people 'singing' right into my ear! And the worst part, they have earphones plugged in to ensure protection from the self inflicted torture. :-S

3. mohe rang de basanti

Sometimes you are just happy to get the rare window seat. You hope for the breeze to be fast and nice. Till the paan-spitter comes. The paan-spitter typically never has a window seat himself. He will usually occupy the centre seat. And then in one swift motion, lean over and launch the missile of red tobacco spit. You pray the missile does not fall midway. And of course, your hopes suddenly shift to wishing the breeze to be slow so that the droplets don't come onto you.

4. pelvis press-lee

If there are 2 things that are conspicuously absent in the etiquette books for Indian men, they are

a) scratching the crotch

b) adjusting the undies

Usually, it is just a disgusting sight to look at if it happens in front of you. But trust me, when it happens in the crowds of a local train, with the culprit shamelessly barging in your personal space, you have NO reason to be happy unless you are gay.

5. the mahesh bhatt syndrome

This one is easy to guess for you all. The guy sitting/standing beside you has an opinion on anything and everything. Right from politics to sports to films to the other co-passengers around. And of course, he will make sure he is heard by everyone. Well, atleast with the television, you can switch it off...

6. :-( :-(

If this would have been a happy story, I would have said this is the icing on the cake. But since the events are quite the opposite, please imagine an appropriate contrasting comparison. (crap on the puke maybe?).

I ran into a running train to grab a seat for myself. Happily I get one. Happily I sit. Happily another person sits to my left. And thats where the happiness for me ended. The most unbelievably disgusting thing - the person on MY left raised HIS RIGHT ass and FARTED! :-( :-( .. arghh!!!!